I’m not talking about the obvious white lies our parents told us, such as the existence of Santa, the Tooth-fairy and the Easter bunny, after all while we believed these lies it brought us untold happiness and excitement.
I am talking about the whoppers that served no purpose other than to deceive our poor innocent minds.
Lie One.
The first one, that springs to mind, and its not really a lie as such but a weird interpretation, and that is Humpty Dumpty. Were on earth does it say he is an anthropomorphic egg, yet every single picture of him is as an egg.
How has this image and lie continued for generations, though I guess the story does have a moral to it if you are an egg.
That is if you’re for some reason not satisfied with sitting on a park bench like normal people and need to still up on a wall big enough to smash you into a thousand pieces make sure you’ve got the number for the emergency services. Paramedics will have a far higher chance of putting you back together again, than the Kings men and horses.
After all how is a horses hoof going to help an egg, something like glue is more useful.
In addition to this if you are an egg shaped person, and you insist on sitting on a high wall at least bring an egg cup, to prevent wobbling and a ‘great fall’.
And the last one I can think of is if you are an egg its a good idea to keep a current photo of yourself on you at all times to assist those tasked with putting you back together again.
Lie Two.
Of course it is the duty of every parent to ensure their children eat a healthy and balanced diet, so I guess this lays down the foundation to this lie. Carrots will make you see in the dark.
Though parents are not all bad, as there is a degree of truth in it, carrots get their color from beta-carotene, which the body uses for creating vitamin A. This does assist with eyesight.
However the origin of this lie was in fact a state wide lie. In World War II, the British fighter pilots attributed their success in nighttime dog fights to eating carrots, this was in fact to hide from the Germans that the British had developed a fully-functioning radar system.
Lie Three.
Another lie aimed at a healthier lifestyle, and this one caters to more teenagers than younger children. The notion that chocolate can cause acne.
There has never been a study proving the link, and hormonal changes and your natural predisposition to oily skin are the real determining factors.
Its just a vicious lie so the parents can have all the good stuff to themselves at Easter and Christmas.
Lie Four.
We have all heard crossing your eyes will make you go cross-eyed, or the alternative if you pull a face and the wind changes it will stay like that.
Of course it is logical that none of these activities can become permanent. the lie was most likely invented so parents did not have their children making faces in public.
Do you know of any other pork pies our parents told ?
Jodi Myatt is a Serial Innovative Entrepreneur, Writer, Author and President of Bio Cybertronics
One always told Charles that the ice cream van would play music if it had sold all the ice cream.
How could I have forgot that